Locked Doors
by Philosophizes
Summary: Continuing with the question: "What happened between Brainy returning and deciding to leave?". The events immediately after the restoration of the galaxy.Prelude to "Meeting".


Saturn Girl thought that other people would be amazed at Brainy's control, given the situation. She could feel the fear and despair the most, but underneath that his mind was raging with every emotion she had ever encountered. Other people might admire him for his ability to keep his mental state off his face; other people might consider him to be holding up well.

All it did was worry her. That sort of inner turmoil would turn inward in no time; destroying what little mental security he already had. Brainiac 5 needed to be away from everyone else, _now_. If she had learned nothing else from her six years in the Legion, it was that the beloved "little brother" of the team kept everything to himself. She had let him keep his secrets, and naïvely -horribly- assumed that he could, he would, hold up under his burdens.

He hadn't, she hadn't tried anything, she had stopped checking in on him, and look what happened.

From the looks on some of the more cognizant Legionnaire's faces, the next few days were not going to be good ones. They didn't try anything now, when she was hurrying Brainy away to a private room, but she knew in her gut that they would later.

Shrinking Violet followed Saturn Girl to the temporary residence rooms on the ship with all the stealth she could muster. It wasn't hard to read Imra's expression of nervous urgency, or Brainy's ever-slipping impassive mask; but she couldn't leave him to face his trauma on his own. She had to be there the same way she had to breathe.

It occurred to her, when she got to the door the pair had disappeared behind just a few seconds ago, that Imra knew she was following. The door wasn't locked yet. Salu slipped in and made sure it was secured.

He wore the most horrible expression she could imagine.

That was stark terror on Brainy's face. Imra talked to him softly, trying to get her hands on his head. All that happened was he shrunk back closer and closer to the corner where her cot met the wall. From what she was just picking up, she knew she wouldn't be able to help him sort out his emotions. Her presence in his mind would just make the situation worse, so soon after his ordeal. Well, that was what Violet was for.

Salu didn't even wait for the older girl's permission to approach. She strode over to the cot and gathered him in her arms.

Finally, he cried; giving into the inevitable emotional breakdown.

She kept her voice low. "Sh sh sh, Brainy, Brainy, it's going to be alright. It's over. Brainiac's gone, you got rid of him. Everything will be fine." He tried to speak, but she couldn't quite tell what he was trying to say. "Brainy, hey; deep breaths. Slowly. Calm down. You hear my heartbeat? Breathe with that. _In_ and _out_; _in_ and _out_."

Finally his sobbing subsided enough to speak clearly. "Vi-Violet h-help me. I- I can't think straight there's so many more _emotions_ now and it's all so _strong_ and its su-s_uffocating_ me I can't just choose to lower my awareness of it now and run it all subconsciously and I can't tell where everything stops and starts and I'm losing myself itshorriblehowdoeanyone_deal_withthis-"

He finally stopped, gasping for breath.

"You've got to remember to _breathe_, Brainy." Violet scolded him.

He took a deep breath and looked up at her pleadingly.

"Brainy, part of your problem is you're panicking," she kept her voice steady and reassuring. "It sounds like you could just sort of tune it all down and now you're feeling everything full force, all at once. If you can manage to stay mostly calm, I'll walk you through it, okay?"

She waited while he repeated the breathing exercise.

"Alright."

"Name the first emotion you can think of."

"Fear."

"What are you scared of?"

"A lot of things."

"Pick one."

"…Brainiac."

"Why?"

"He-he got into my head and I digitized most of the United Planets and then some."

"First off, _he_ digitized most of the UP. He's gone now, you saw to that. Pick something else."

At first she couldn't hear what he said, it was so soft. "What?"

"The Legion."

"Why?"

"I lied to all of you. I- I," he choked up. "I've never had anyone trust me before and I destroyed it when I destroyed all of you. I'm a criminal now; the Legion- you're all heroes…"

Violet rested her cheek on the top of his head and pulled him closer; he shuddered. "What else?"

"Despair."

"At what?"

"The people I know; my-my friends."

"Why?"

"Won't you all hate me now?"

It was getting harder not to cry herself. She felt her temper rising and managed to stuff it down, for now. Brainiac had taken a wonderful person and convinced him he was a horrible, despicable one instead.

He kept talking. "I destroyed you, I destroyed the galaxy, how could anyone _not_ hate me for that? The Legion- the Legion can't keep a criminal around." Brainy looked up at her again, and said softly; "I don't want to go to jail."

Violet felt horrible for ignoring that last part. "Anything besides that you're despairing about?"

"No"

"Next emotion."

"Grief…?"

"About what?"

"Everyone."

"Why?"

"I hurt all of them, planets full of people… Vi, I'm so sorry, so, so sorry-"

"I know."

There was silence for awhile, punctuated only by Brainy's occasional sniffles.

"Brainy, I want you to try it for yourself now. Emotion, what, and why. Sort through the rest of it."

He closed his eyes and she waited patiently. Finally, he spoke again.

"What do I do now?"

Violet searched for a good analogy to explain the next step to him.

"Imagine a filing system, a- computer memory. Each emotion is a program. The what and the why are files within that program. Each separate time you experience that emotion, you make a new file of the what and the why."

He looked a bit doubtful, and after some struggle he managed to do it.

"Feeling better?" she asked him.

"Much better," he sounded surprised.

Imra moved for the first time in over an hour. Brainy looked over at her, startled. Imra could tell he had forgotten she was there.

"Brainy, you've been through a lot the past couple of days. I can tell there's a lot of trauma there. Most of its emotional, but a little of it is mental and the rest is physical. I can help with the emotions and the mental scars, but I have to get into your head."

He shrunk back against Salu.

"I won't do it without permission; but you really need this. I know you don't want anyone there, especially not after what happened. You and Shrinking Violet can just keep talking, that's helping, but I can help you more," she looked at him beseechingly. "Trust me please?"

Violet looked down at Brainy. "You know she isn't going to hurt you, right?"

Slowly, he straightened up. "This will help?"

Saturn Girl smiled. "Yes."

He closed his eyes and looked as if he was steeling himself. "Alright."

Violet slung an arm around his shoulders and hugged him tightly for a moment. He seemed surprised by the gesture. "You'll be fine."

She took the silent cue of Imra's hands placed –finally- firmly on the sides of Brainiac 5's head and left quietly, making sure she locked the door behind her.


End file.
